When you’ve had a string of unsuccessful dates, you may have started wondering if there’s something you’ve been doing wrong. Sometimes, it really is just bad luck, but on the other hand, you could really be doing something out of habit or nervousness that sends you home with a thank you for the nice evening and an apology, you’re a nice guy but she can’t see it working out. These mistakes are often committed under the belief that they’re actually help, but these three definitely do not:
There’s a very fine line between a wine to accompany dinner and a drink to loosen you up. Even though a lot of first dates fall into the category of simply going out for a drink, that doesn’t immediately allow you to take it literally, especially, if you’re not planning a drink to relax and calm down your nerves. Specifically in the latter case, your nervousness will make you drink faster than you usually would and before you know it, it will go to your head. Even if you have a well-exercised liver, nervousness can make your reaction to alcohol more erratic – like by not eating prior to the date and an elevated blood pressure. Drinking and your reaction to it will make your date wonder how regularly you partake in this behavior. You can’t win, really. If you drink and it doesn’t faze you, she’ll consider you a regular drinker. Should you get tipsy, she’ll get to see a less than advantageous side of yourself. The safest choice is to abstain for the evening or take the cue from her.
People on a first date are all about getting to know each other, not only in terms of compatibility of body, but also in mind. So of course you have to share experiences and talk about your life a bit. The keyword here is being a bit. As soon as you cross that, your date will wonder if you’re looking for a relationship (of any kind) or a follower in the church of yourself. While similarities create more attraction between two people, it detrimental when you answer all her stories with a similar story of your own without asking more about her. If you find yourself unsure on how to avoid making this mistake by accident, try moving from full-stop to full-stop when you’re talking. Pause after two stops and only continue if she doesn’t interject. On the other hand, when she’s speaking, find points where you can ask questions. Depending on the topic, ask one or two before moving on to another topic. Most likely, your questions alone will create a natural topic switch.
The Best and Worst Intentions
While you should ask questions about her to get to know her, there are taboo questions and even topics that you should give a wide berth. Avoid talking about money, previous love life and family. Unless she volunteers the information herself, don’t pressure her into giving out more details. The worst you can do is to keep on digging despite her trying to deflect you. You’re just getting to know each other and you’re not her therapist. Respect her choice of not wanting to share everything immediately.